In Which Jazz is Reviewed

Thursday, November 13 2008 at 22:57 (Reviews) (, , , )

But not literally jazz. Jazz as in stuff. And stuff as in shizzle. And shizzle as in nizzle.

Basically, I realised that I’ve been giving brief comments about some stuff but never actually pausing to review it properly. So here goes nut’in.

First off… Heroes.
Now in the beginning, I didn’t watch Heroes. Everyone started yammering on about how it was awesome, but I payed them no heed. In the end I got really bored one day and decided that it would be a great idea to stay up until four in the morning watching episodes on the internet. After that I proceeded to watch the second season, also on the internet because I’m an impatient bastard when I’m hooked. Then I had a long break, and then Season three came on to BBC2, so now I’m watching it there because, frankly, I’m tired of YouTube quality TV shows.
Whilst Heroes has great, almost seamless acting, believable characters and a vast storyline, that last feature is actually its downfall. As in, the whole plot of series three makes no bloody sense AT ALL. It is virtually impossible to remember who is where and doing what of the several million characters, and trying to work out what side people are on and which guys are actually the God darn Villains that the series title describes. Gargh! So, in short, I am in full favour of the continuation of the series, but it might be nice to, say, kill off all of the annoying characters and just have Hiro, Ando, Mya and definitely Sylar, because Sylar frigging rocks. He’s just a very powerful character (in all senses of the word) who always offers something fresh and ever-so-creepy. Oh, and Matt and Daphne are nice too.

Quantum of Solace…
Is not a 10. No way. I will admit right of the bat that if this film had not been called James Bond, and instead was called ‘Generic spy-action movie designed to appeal to the testicles of the younger male demographic’ I might be kinder to it. As it is, I just don’t find it as satisfying as the Brosnan and Connery films. There’s no fun; what little humour there is is rarely well executed and the fact that Daniel Craig never makes any amusing quips after a kill is atrocious. As well as this, there seems to be little actual spying in the film. I know that I can’t exactly say that all previous films were just creeping around, but there was always one bit where the Bond music would play quietly as Bond finds a hidden safe behind a painting, a la Tomorrow Never Dies. That’s yet another flaw. Yes, there may be bits where Craig performs amazing stunts, but there is never the Bond music playing in them. Hell, it only properly played in the credits, further distancing from me the idea that it was meant to be a Bond film.
One last thing that was mainly just something I wasn’t expecting was that it would be a direct sequel. Normally Bond is linked, but self-contained adventures, even the books were styled in that way. So why the hell does this film require a comprehensive knowledge of most of what went on in Casino Royale? I’m completely lost as to the story right now, and I think that they could have recapped it more effectively. But wait, that would require subtlety, and the fact is that there is little subtle about this film. It’s an action-packed boy-film that simply falls short of its recent predecessors.
* * * 1/2

Next up: Spooks – Possible Spoilers

I’ve been watching Spooks for some time, but not from the beginning. The other day someone told me that they had seen the tail end of an episode and asked them to explain it to me, but it ended up taking about ten minutes, and I think they wished that they hadn’t asked. My point is that, like Heroes, and The West Wing, this is a series that one can’t just drop in or out of; it requires solid commitment and a solid broadband connection for BBC iPlayer upcatching if an episode is missed.
That aside, this series (I forget which number it is now) seems to be pretty up to standard with the series’ high bar, especially considering the canonical death of Adam Carter and the effect that has on the remaining cast to live up the acting standard. I am slightly disappointed by the return of Ros Myers, who is a bit of a cold-hearted bitch who I hoped was gone for good, but the addition of Russian-speaking double agent Lucas North gives a new spin, but feels a tad like a new ‘instant Adam’. In fact the main character that one can relate to, and as far as I am aware the only recurring character since the series’ inception, is Harry Pearce, the bald, calm and occasionally utterly badass leader of the MI5 division that Spooks is based in. I don’t have much criticism of Spooks except for the fact that it might take watching a whole series and an experienced Spooks regular to acclimatise to it.

Merlin. Oh yes.
The broadest thing that I can say about this series is erratic and deviating. Erratic in that whilst there have been several incredibly excellent episodes, there have been a few equally crap ones, such as ‘Lancelot’ or ‘The Poisoned Chalice’, which have boring characters. In terms of deviating, it’s hard to relate the tale of the series to the legends because the tale is already so different by depicting Merlin and Arthur as the same age and therefore it is impossible to know whether Morgana will be evil, like in the legends, or whether Arthur will end up with Guinevere when there’s clearly a thing between Merlin and her. It’s really just an excuse to do teenage angst stuff but with a new twist. Say you git the plot of ‘The Poisoned Chalice’, where Merlin ends up drinking poison, and Arthur must go out and find the cure, is it really that different to “OMG! Merlin OD’d! The nearest hospital is five miles away! Arthur, you have to go and get a doctor!”? As with the other shows, I’m interested to see where the series will go, but I’m also hoping for more main character development and an explanation of some bits.

See? And I didn’t even review a video game. That’s cause I haven’t completed any recently.

Here is something awesome anyway:

Then watch this.

I did an AMAZING freestyle rap at school earlier.



  1. Max said,

    I think your review is a little harsh. I mean, I agree Tomorrow Never Dies is epic, it truely is one of my favourite Bond movies for all the right reasons. But times move on and new audiences prefer newer, more action packed movies. I liked both Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace; I thought they were both VERY good films with good story lines.

    Also: you rap at school was very awesome, I was proud to be mentioned in it… Along with everyone who came out of the French room..

  2. Chris said,

    Okay… I only watched the video… which was just SUPER COLOSSAL HILARITY! I mean… I liked the bit near the end… when he was just sliding up and down the chair…

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