Tell me, Muse…

Monday, September 7 2009 at 20:55 (Anime, Home, School, Site Update, Videos, Writing) (, , , )

The story of that resourceful man who was driven to wander far and wide after he had sacked the holy city of GCSE. He studied the subjects of many teachers and learned their ways. He suffered great anguish in the high canals in his struggles to get home and play video games. But he failed to get Prime Trilogy on launch day, despite all his efforts. It was the game’s own transgression that brought it to its doom, for in its folly it was released not long after The Conduit, which saw to it that Trilogy’s controls would not be as impeccable by comparison. Tell us this story, daughter of Zeus, beginning last Saturday.

Well, that was ridiculously fun. For those of you currently lost, the above is an adaptation of the proem (introductory lines) of the Rieu translation of The Odyssey. Believe me, it’ll probably get weirder.

So, as the guy says, last Saturday. My parents were out on a boat trip with some friends (and had fortunately decided that they didn’t need my company) and since they were staying on the boat overnight, I was home alone… except I wasn’t. My stupid brother had to be there to ruin EVERYFUNG.
Well, even with him there I spent most of the day ploughing through Elliot’s Dragon Ball Z DVDs, watching all but the last disc of season one. I’ll segregate my thoughts on the matter to the end for those at odds with Japanese cartoons.
Apart from that, I also ate sausages, cooked strawberry pancakes, cooked a Fray Bentos pie and ate that, and spent a rather long time doing clearing up and washing after my brother. I finished the clearing at around 2am and then settled down to get the last 100 xp or so required to level up in The Conduit before finally turning in at around 3:00.

On Sunday I had meant to wake up late, but my brother same in at around 11 to tell me that he was going to the Greenpeace fair and that who would be back later that day. He actually offered to take me with him, but I explained that I had Classics homework to do (involving SPARTA!) and that I was very tired. He obliged to keep my awake by opening all of my curtains, which with the orientation of my windows and door causes sunlight to burn through my skull and singe my pillow, so soon after he left I got up and finished some tidying from the night before. My parents were not due back until ‘lunchtime’ (although it was more like 18:00) so I still had much of the day to myself, so I had leftover soup for breakfast whilst reading ‘The Greeks’ (my Classics task), then jumped around the house playing J-pop REALLY loudly on the speakers in our living room while I made lunch some time later, after finishing the book. I decided that since there was nothing in the fridge (my parents had foolishly taken both pork pies) so I made up some tuna dip and hacked up a mound of vegetables to go with it. It was all rather healthy, but as I’ve said there wasn’t a lot else to eat in the house.

I played some more music then decided that in my ongoing war against my bedroom, it was time to take the city of Bookpile.  Amassing a force of over 9,000, I marched upon the box and began to sort the mound of stuff into old schoolbooks I wanted to keep and archive, revision guides I needed to do something with or give back to the school, real books that needed to go onto shelves and a pile of useless papery bits accumulated over the years. I also had an awesome pile of little tidbits of paper I’d rescued, including priceless doodles and items with sentimental value. I may scan them all in and post them sometime. After the first sort, I took all of my paper and dumped it in the recycle bin. I then tried to lift my remaining books for archiving and realised that it was still too heavy – there were copious useless bits of paper in between the pages of the books. I went through them all again and removed almost every exam paper and piled them up. People who say we don’t do enough practice papers can shut the hell up; along with my previous papers from the first pile the total of just past papers must have been over a foot high and weighed several kilograms, maybe more.
After all that effort, my book box looked almost empty. It had been ravaged and had all of its treasures stolen and its citadel burned, and all because I had the great idea of sending in a wooden… uh… textbook? My parents got back and we had dinner and stuff before watching the first half of a Voyager double episode before the first part of the new series of Waking the Dead came on. It was pretty freaky shizzle, since there was a bit where they found a guy in a house hanging upside down, with his face being eaten by maggots. It’s all revolving around something with evil Irish nuns using child labour, and I’m eager to find how it concludes this evening. I sat down in bed and pulled out my Classics stuff, and as per instructions I took some notes on the three sections I found most interesting in ‘The Greeks’. I chose the bits on democracy and government, SPARTA and plays and philosophy. In fact, I only did the first two – it was late and I wanted to have something to study in my study period the next day.

That next day was, of course, Monday, today. It was a good day to die, as the Klingons say.
It started with a cold-ish shower because my mother had had a bath the night before and there wasn’t really any hot water, but it got me clean… I just had to spend some time warming up afterwards. When I got to school I was interested to see if the magical audio cable I’d procured would in fact allow me to play my iPod through the speakers in the Sixth Form common room. To my delight, the cable worked perfectly. To my annoyance the quality of the single battered speaker was very poor indeed and the volume couldn’t go past a mere whisper without distorting horribly, making even Still Alive sound like My Chemical Romance. Soon people began to complain about the music, although some recognised it. I later mused with Luke that a good way to find new friends would be to play Asterisk and see who jumped up and said ‘OMGzz Bleach!’
I talked to Chloé a bit when she arrived, but then we went off to form, where the UVI fortunately had an assembly, so I didn’t have to spend time with all of the scary people in our group. Instead, I got to talk to Nico, Lydia and Tanita. Beeg whoop.
Mr Peters was obviously feeling a bit generous because he let us out of form about ten minutes early, meaning that I had a leisurely walk through the English block around to the Maths block where I had Further Maths, this time with Mr Hydes. Eventually everyone was there, so Hydesy talked to us about Further Maths in general, recommended a website to check courses and then finally got down to teaching us about algorithms, most notably the bubble-sort algorithm, which is a really round-about way of sorting number lists into order that can be used by a computer. And gee, I thought Mrs Bray was patronising, but Mr Hydes… whole different level. He spent the whole lesson teaching us that four is smaller than five. He didn’t seem to get that WE ARE SOME OF THE BEST MATHEMATICIANS THE SCHOOL HAS EVER HAD. I don’t mean that lightly – we are already a record-breaking year especially in Maths, so we’re perfectly capable. I’m pretty sure that I could have gone without half of the explanation he gave…
The next period I had a study, so I went into the common room where I was joined by Max and some others. Struck by a sudden master-stroke, I jacked in my iPod and put on Still Alive to appease Max. The room was mostly empty and those that were there were Lower Sixth at that point, so there was little or no complaint. After that I put on some Four Seasons and got down to finishing my Classics notes until some whore in the UVI (henceforth known as Bitchy McSlag) claimed that the music was too ‘boring’. What the fuck, I ask you. Anyway, I didn’t particularly want any trouble, so I stopped the music, finished the notes and chatted until breaktime, whereupon I was urged by the general nerd community to play Still Alive again, this time for the masses. I was very reluctant, but eventually tried to accomplish the task… and failed miserably. Once you get up there and start fiddling with wires, everyone stares at you. I couldn’t bear the strain and so escaped back to the nerds with my life, but not my dignity, intact. I assured everyone that I would play the tune at lunchtime… although I didn’t.

Double Classics came and consisted mainly of Mrs Stephenson being predictably strange and increasingly weird myths about gods eating their own children. Seriously, that happened three times. In one family line. Basically the thing to remember is that in Greek legend, all the gods are the worst aspects of humanity with supreme powers, and everyone is miserable and will probably end up having an affair and/or getting murdered, preferably by a direct relation. Chloé seemed to enjoy it though, which was a weight off my mind – I had been worrying that after all of my advice she wouldn’t actually like the subject.

Leaving the Classics room, Mrs Stephenson called me over to talk briefly about Ancient Greek classes which I said that I was interested in, despite not planning a career in Classics or anything related. After that I was confronted by Henry Gibbons about how Chris called me a c*nt on the internet. Yup, everyone knows about that. I’d quite like to know the spike in readership that entry caused…
I went down with Chloé to the common room to eat lunch and talk about films, and we were soon joined by Luke, then Chris, Max, Nico and another person who is too much like a particularly ugly shadow to be noticed. After that point the content of the conversation keeled over and fell in to the abyss of rabid videogame discussion. The strangest bit was when we talked about our favourite Pokémon and Chloé said how much she liked Mudkips. I talked for a few seconds, then stopped and turned around slowly and said ‘So I herd you liek Mudkipz.’ I’m not sure that she is aware of that particular meme… (and Wiktionary says it is pronounced ‘meem,’ so balls to anyone who says otherwise.)

After lunch came Physics with Miss Fletcher… which was brilliant. I’m sitting next to Max in Emily’s old place, right next to Chris and Alfie. Fortunately I’m still far away enough from Alfie that he can’t talk to me… It was nice to be back in the old Physics room with Miss Fletcher, even if the group isn’t nearly as cool as the one we had before. At one point I actually had a fairly long conversation with Miss Fletcher in a Suffolk accent about the contents of the course and whether we’d go into sub-atomic particles, which prompted everyone to look at me rather strangely, but was worth it to prove that I still have some kind of insane rapport with Fletch. Alfie looked dead jealous.
Finally that day I had another Classics lesson, this time in yet another room and due to a series of mistakes on my part I was fairly late again for the class, but somehow still managed to get a decent seat. We started off talking about the books and aspects of The Odyssey we would be studying, but later started to write down our version of the baby-eating story whilst Mrs Stephenson tried to get her laptop to work. After a few minutes I offered to have a look at it. It was starting up, giving the Windows startup thingy, then it would make an ominous clunk or possibly static noise from the speakers and then would BSOD for a half-second before restarting the cycle. I tried last known configuration, safe mode and hitting it before finally giving it up as a probable hard drive failure. Those computers must actually be pretty old by now…

After Classics I went home, sprawled out and read a bit of the Odyssey before I realised that my brain wasn’t taking anything in, so I decided to spend three hours writing a ridiculously long blog for only four days. Sorry to anyone who made it this far… ouch.

Chloé is lending me the 300 DVD because my interest was aroused after reading about the Spartans in the Classics books, so I’ll tell you my thoughts on that… and probably finally capitalise on a two-year-old internet meme.

Oh, I’ve updated the Categories to include ‘Home,’ ‘school,’ and ‘anime’. Putting ‘Daily Life’ for everything got annoying. Talking of which, the DBZ section isn’t here because this is already 2270 words and I don’t want you to suffer any more.

I leave you with Rhapala.



  1. Chris said,

    That was 2270 words?
    Was the ugly shadow Nico tee hee
    300, I’ve only seen some of it, in Biology, and it is pretty… weird… and I wouldn’t say historically accurate…

    • joethearachnid said,

      I’m assuming that you’re feigning ignorance of Sam, but I’m not sure. Sarcasm is hard on the internet.

      Apparently the historical accuracy of 300 is disputed, but it’s generally accepted that it’s the version of the story the Spartans would want to be told – i.e. Spartans are super-awesome and Persians are super-evil. Basically, how the story would have sounded a few generations later in ancient Greece.

  2. Chris said,

    ALSO That was a suffolk accent in Physics, here I thought it was your normal voice….

    • joethearachnid said,

      I never talk using my normal voice. The voice accepted as my ‘normal’ voice I only use because my real one is so sexy that it can knock out even the straightest man from fifteen feet away.

      • Chris said,


      • Peter said,

        That’s hot. 😉

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